the daily doyle


A Man’s Guide to Raisin’ Young’uns
May 24, 2011, 9:43 pm
Filed under: Kid stuff

Young’un = contraction of “young one”, a slang term for any child.

There are a few secrets to raising children. The first one is – you should learn to use words like “young’un” often. Or rug rats, house apes, ankle biters, anything that sounds funny and disrespectful and takes a little of the seriousness out of the situation.

Therefore, lesson number one is: stop being so serious!

Babies laugh and cry all the time. If you laugh more and cry less, they will too. So lighten up. Children can be tough. They can even be somewhat maddening sometimes. If you have a naked baby in one hand, a very poop-filled diaper in the other hand and you’re trying to answer a phone with just your nose, that’s funny. Laugh man, just laugh! You can always find something funny in it.

Lesson number two – most of the time, babies don’t need clothes or shoes, just a diaper. What’s the point really of dressing your kid up just for play on the carpet in a climate controlled environment? That’s just more laundry you gotta do. And when you have to change a diaper the clothes are in the way. If you’re going out, ok, dress them up nice, but at home, keep your house a comfortable temperature and they’ll do fine with just a diaper. Even playing outside, depending on your terrain, you may still do fine with just a diaper. If you’ve got some sharp gravel or something and the baby is actually going to get hurt, put some shoes and long clothes on the little rascal. Otherwise, diaper.

Lesson three, always always always talk to a young’un of any age like a person. Speak English. Goo-goo-gah-gah doesn’t mean anything more to them than it does to you. From the age of just a few weeks, that baby is trying to learn the ropes, trying to figure out what’s going on here, how you communicate, how you work the levers of a body to make sounds, to move it, etc. With stupid baby talk you force them to expend precious time and energy trying to learn that language and then one day, unexpectedly, you stop speaking it and they have to learn a whole new language. If I were a baby I’d be really ticked off. Maybe they are.

Lesson four is a very precious lesson. You can never love your rug rats too much. Show them all the affection you want. Tell them you love them every single day, and mean it! Even in the times when you just wish you had drowned them before you got attached to them, remember that you love them, and tell them so, repeatedly.

Lesson five, spanking. This is not really a lesson at all. At least I’m not going to teach it to you. I’m not going to tell you not to spank your kid; I’m definitely not going to tell you that you should do it. I will tell you that the more intelligent young’uns will not respond well to spanking. You’re just going to make them mad and they will diabolically get back at you someday. For the rest of them, well, if you want to know whether you should spank or not, and why, read Dianetics by L. Ron Hubbard. That book contains the secrets of what happens when any individual experiences physical pain and unconsciousness. So read it, and then decide.

Lesson six, NO sugar, NO television, NO soft drinks (especially not diet drinks), NO food out of a box! In this case “NO” means “just a little”.

Lesson seven… NO PSYCHIATRY! If someone, psych or medical doctor, tries to label your young’un with a mental disorder, like ADD/ADHD, OCD, Depression, or any of the 374+ mental disorders listed in the DSM IV, there is only one thing to do. Kick that person in the shin and run. And also know this – the symptoms of mental illness are real. If your young’un is having a hard time in life, get some real help. Education/nutrition, a REAL medical exam from a real NON-psychiatric doctor, look into allergies, toxicity, cut back the TV and sugar, find out what is REALLY going on and help your little ones be healthy, happy and successful.

If it’s too late for you and your yard apes have already been diagnosed with a mental disorder and/or on drugs for it, be very careful. Do NOT stop treatment on your own. Withdrawal from psychiatric drugs can be very dangerous, look it up! Get competent medical care to help get your young’uns off the dangerous and addictive drugs and onto something to really help them.

Lesson number eight, the final lesson, is that you should be very careful to learn what works in your parenting, do more of that and learn what doesn’t work and stop doing it. You can’t go wrong with that.

One more thing. In researching this article, I found some references indicating that the term young’un comes from “young gun”, not “young one”. A “young gun” is: “an up-and-coming young man, especially one considered as being assertive and confident.” I used it in this article to simply mean “young one” but you can feel free to use either definition.

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12 Comments so far
Leave a comment

Love the blog and insight Doyle. 🙂

Comment by Robyn

Thank you Robyn. And everyone, if you like to eat, and/or like to make excellent food on the grill, check out Robyn’s blog – http://grillgrrrl.com/

Comment by doylemills

Such a great article!
If you follow this, you are bound to win with your children.

Mary

Comment by Mary Collins

Thank you Mary!
I usually follow my own advice so I’ve done ok with the kids I think.

Comment by doylemills

I thought I had made it clear that if the people who would read this article, Doyle, they would follow your advice, and they would be successful.
I did not mean to imply that you, Doyle, should follow your own adivce!! Wow. I better be carefull that what I write is clear and understandbale. I took it for granted that you would act in accordance with your advice.

Mary

Mary

Comment by Mary Collins

Thanks Mary! You’re point was clear. I didn’t think you were talking about me following the advice. I just threw that in for fun because I really can only speak for myself.

I’m glad you’re enjoying this blog Mary.

Comment by doylemills

Thanks Doyle. If I had to rank these #4 is the clear winner. You can never love them too much. AND loving them solves or prevents lots of problems. #3 is a pet peeve of mine. Kids are people. Thanks for saying it all, well done.

Comment by Rich Byrd

Yeah, that’s a good peeve Rich. Definitely annoying. There is one thing that bothers me even more, when parents keep telling their kids shhusshhh shhhusssh shhuusshh incessantly! I hear it at airports and airplanes all the time. I actually don’t mind the noise of kids but I hate the constant shushing.

Comment by doylemills

Am surely glad it is all made clear now, Doyle.

Looks like you and Rich B. are wonderful parents.

Mary

Comment by Mary Collins

Very true! But I will admit that I put clothes on her and have fun with dressing her up even if we are just going to stay in and I am going to take picture of her:) As a child I loved to dress my dolls and this is even better! Don’t get me wrong I don’t consider her a doll or an accessory but good lord is it fun to see her in a pretty dress and to get to shop for them. My daughter is proof that you can never love them too much, I love her to pieces and she just gets happier everyday. I also speak to her like a person so that probably helps too.:)

Comment by Shae Rondeau

You’re definitely a girl. 🙂 And that’s ok! I’m sure you’re a terrific mom. Don’t feel bad about playing dress up with your little one if it’s fun. I often referred to Logan growing up as “the best toy I ever had.”

Comment by doylemills

Definitely believe that that you stated. Your favorite reason
seemed to be on the net the simplest thing to consider of.
I say to you, I definitely get annoyed whilst other people consider worries that they
just don’t understand about. You managed to hit the nail upon the highest and defined out the entire thing without having side-effects , other folks can take
a signal. Will probably be back to get more. Thanks

Comment by synaptol




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